Best of the McSweeney's Internet Tendency

Back in 1998, the internet was young and wild and free. Along with listservs, pornography, and listservs dedicated to pornography, there was a website that ran all its articles in the same font and within abnormally narrow margins. This site was called McSweeney's Internet Tendency, and many dozens of people read it. Now, fifteen years later, most of those readers have died, but the Tendency still exists, publishing, every day, quasi-humor writing in the same font within the same abnormally narrow margins. The site has no ads, and no revenue prospects, and thus, every year or so, we collect some of the site's better material and attempt to trick readers into paying for a curated, glued-together version of what is available online for free. This collection is the best and most brazen of such attempts. Please enjoy it, after you have paid for it. Featuring: "It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers!" "What I Would Be Thinking About if I Were Billy Joel Driving Toward a Holiday Party Where I Knew There Was Going to Be a Piano" "I Regret to Inform You That My Wedding to Captain Von Trapp Has Been Canceled" "Hamlet (Facebook News Feed Edition)" "In Which I Fix My Girlfriend's